Well...

T and I went to lunch with Grammie today then did some shopping. I managed to get a shirt and 3 pairs of underwear and only paid $4, woohoo. On a sad not, grammie's friend's husband is about to die, very sad story, only 53 and dying of COPD. So think of that the next time you light up a cigarette.

So, some background for what i'm gonna say. My mom is an alcoholic and has been since I was a child, she was never really in my life too deep. I don't speak to her and don't see her, the last time I did either was in Nov 09 when her mother was sick/passed away and I was kind enough to let her know since she lives in a dumpy trailer park and has no phone. She didn't make it out to the funeral and blames be for not taking her, I'm sorry but I'm the daughter she's not my responsibility. Her bf had a car and if she had really made it a priority she would've found the money to go out there, obviously there were other priorities at the time (which is nothing new). So, I guess she finally called her father, for the 1st time since her mother passed away. I called my aunt to get the details. Apparently, all she really said was to remind everyone that she was turning 50 this year..REALLY..everybody knows how old you are, but nobody really cares since she doesn't care about anybody else. She also mentioned that she was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver (big surprise), but that she's on meds and the doctor says she's ok, which I highly doubt. IF she stopped drinking, she might have a fighting chance, but I don't believe for a minute that she has, beings that she lives a whole 50 feet behind a carryout (that sells beer and liquor). I know how my mom used to be before she fell so far into alcoholism, and she's no where near the same person.  Let me also add that she's never seen her 3 year old granddaughter, I refuse to take my daughter to an alcohol/drug filled trailer park, and I also don't plan to have my daughter deal with all of my mother's antics. Do i feel bad that my daughter will probably not meet her grandmother, YES, ABSOLUTELY....however, my mom is choosing alcohol over her family, which is also not the first time. I so wish that my mother would change her life around and be the mother that I deserve and the grandmother my daughter deserves, but I've done all I can, she has to actually want it and she obviously doesn't.

Whew, that was a lot! It's a subject I've been thinking a lot about. I think I might write a letter and let my mom know how I feel, I don't think it will change anything, however, it will let me get my feelings on the table.